I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.
—Mark 11:24-25
As I was ministering to a woman with cancer recently, I learned of her difficult childhood. Her mother had abandoned the family when she was a little girl and her father passed away when she was a teenager. He was mostly disengaged and she grew up with no parental influence in her life. When I asked if she had forgiven them, she quickly responded, “Of course I have. I don’t want to be like Jacob Marley dragging all those heavy chains around!” Even though she was un-churched until her illness, I was struck by her Biblical understanding of the consequences of unforgiveness. Somehow, she knew it would keep her bound up in chains like Scrooge’s bitter business partner.
Jesus knew it too. He came to change all that. He came to release the captives and free the prisoners (Isaiah 61:1; Luke 4:18). There is a distinct difference between captives and prisoners. Captives are victims of someone else’s sin. They are held in bondage against their will and did nothing wrong. But prisoners are held in bondage by their own choice. Often, they are locked up in the sin of unforgivenness. Jesus illustrates the consequences of unforgiveness in the story about the king who forgave a large debt owed by his servant. That same servant turned around and refused to forgive a smaller debt owed to him by a fellow servant. When the king heard this, he became angry and turned the servant over to jailers to be tortured until he paid back all he owed (Matthew 18:21-34). The next statement Jesus makes is one of the most difficult passages in the Bible to accept: “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart” (Matthew 18:35).
Jesus commands forgiveness for our own good. He knows unforgiveness is a dangerous emotion that can hinder your prayers, block your blessing, destroy relationships, and lead to bitterness, hostility, physical illness, and mental stress. The symptoms of harboring resentment are hatred, a heavy heart, rehearsed arguments, vengeance, and avoidance. Some have said it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Most important, unforgiveness stands in the way of your intimacy with God. The choice is becoming clear. We can be miserable and drag around those heavy chains or we can forgive and be set free.
Forgiving someone who hurt you begins with understanding that you owe God a bigger debt than others owe you. Most of us have prayed the Lord’s Prayer our entire life, but how many of us take it seriously when we ask God to “forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12)? I have often had to ask myself, do I really want this to be God’s standard for forgiving me? Two verses later, Jesus drives the point home: “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).
Right now, you might be thinking, “Do you have any idea what they did to me?” No, but Jesus does. He knows every hurt, every offense, and has cried every tear with you. He is no stranger to your pain. He knows forgiving them is nearly impossible to do on our own power. It’s a choice you make, not a feeling or emotion. Once you make that choice, the Holy Spirit does the hard work, and eventually, your feelings will catch up. He can forgive when you can’t. To choose to forgive someone doesn’t mean what they did to you is okay or you are obligated to allow them access to hurt you again. It simply means that you have chosen to cancel the debt they owe you, give up the right to judge their motives, and give up your demand to get relief. Instead, you will let God heal your pain and provide the remedy.
To stay free, forgiveness has to become a lifestyle. You will have many opportunities today to be offended, whether it’s a curt comment from a spouse or friend, someone who cuts you off on the freeway, or something much more serious. Please don’t drink the poison. It’s not good for your health.
Excerpted from Peace For Each Hour by Mary J. Nelson; Copyright © 2013; ISBN 978-1938388170; Published by Comfort Publishers; Unauthorized duplication prohibited.